Author Topic: Happy Holidays CRG!  (Read 4631 times)

IZRSSS

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Happy Holidays CRG!
« on: December 18, 2011, 07:53:45 PM »
A TOUCHING CHRISTMAS STORY

 A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the
 mall was packed.

 Walking through the mall the surprised wife looked up and noticed her
 husband was no where around and she was very upset because they had a lot to do.

 She used her cell phone to call her husband because she was so upset,
 to ask him where he was. The husband in a calm voice said, "honey remember the jewelry store we
 went into 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not
 afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day".

 His wife said crying, "yes I remember that jewelry store".

 He said, "well I'm in the bar next to it."

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year CRG!

LM69Z28

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Re: Happy Holidays CRG!
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2011, 08:55:54 PM »
Very good..............
Happy Holidaze to all
LM69Z28

Mike S

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Re: Happy Holidays CRG!
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2011, 09:22:53 PM »
I'll certainly remember this one and will try that with my wife!
If it doesn't go over well then I'm sure I'll know where the Z-bar will end up when I get home  :)

Happy Holidays to all!

Mike
67 04B LOS SS/RS L35 Hardtop - Original w/UOIT
67 05B NOR SS/RS L35 Convertible - Restored

restore-z28

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Re: Happy Holidays CRG!
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2011, 09:38:35 PM »
Now that was funny, an instant classic.

Wishing everyone a happy and safe holiday season.

Sonny
1969 Z28 Camaro, sold :-(
1970 Z28 Camaro
www.camaros.ca

IZRSSS

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Re: Happy Holidays CRG!
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2011, 11:05:13 PM »
I'll certainly remember this one and will try that with my wife!
Mike
I'd pass if I was you. For some reason wives don't always find the same sort of things us guys do; funny. Go figure...

I'm sure you guys have better ones than I do...

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

LVN 67

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Re: Happy Holidays CRG!
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2011, 11:50:58 PM »
To all the CRG family, a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Please be safe if you are on the road.

TooManyReels

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Re: Happy Holidays CRG!
« Reply #6 on: December 19, 2011, 12:43:30 AM »

A few years ago I came a cross this post and thought I would share it you guys since we are on the shopping topic..Enjoy  !!!!!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. .

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL!
Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loadedwith two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way! 'What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip****,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my ***** thigh, pushed the button, and . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . .WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, pickedme up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all overthe living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative? IT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control overthe drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.'
Eddie
63 Chevy II SS 570hp 560tq.
69 Z28 X33 Cross Ram JL8

IZRSSS

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Re: Happy Holidays CRG!
« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2011, 03:06:21 PM »
Doesn't have anything to do w/Christmas but maybe a little cheer. Courtesy of my son...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgoDkwwpFx0